Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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