I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
