why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
