Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I could make wine with my vomit
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
