well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
