idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
