Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
