I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
