There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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