pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
