I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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