Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
