I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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