im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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