The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
