what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
