I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
foreskin is a definite game changer
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
