im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
