I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
