end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
