She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
