dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize