i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
