Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
