no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
