Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
