im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
