That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
