We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
