My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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