I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize