people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize