I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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