Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
