I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You smell like stripper and shame
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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