Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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