i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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