Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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