I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
jump out the window naked night went bad
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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