very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
