i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
