please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
