If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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