i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
