Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize