my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
