Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
