Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
