If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
