Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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