So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
