I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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