I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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