hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
