As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
