If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize