idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
