some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
