I think I am morally bankrupt
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
