i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
