Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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