You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
