but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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