just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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