I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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