Whod you bang
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
