What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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