Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
