Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
