he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
