Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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