when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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