When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
