I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
