i jhust puked up my retainher.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
