i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
