Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
