Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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