It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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