What did we do last night that was yellow?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
