Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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