I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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