my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
