My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
