Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
