she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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