I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize