well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I need a burrito and a hug.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
