hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
