your parents love me but you hate me
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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