Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize