I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
