Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize