my vag is so smooth its legendary
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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