GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
