her vagine was all disorganized.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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