oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
