I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
