HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize