Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
