sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
