I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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