and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
