: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
what day is it and did you see me today?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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