I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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